Healthy Snacks

the tart green recipe

shut up! ::::


I’ll be blunt. Someone is going to become giddy with this “detox” drink. I refuse to espouse that thinking. Your liver and kidneys detox your body, because that is their job, not a freakin’ plant’s. “Detox” foods are not that special. They are what you should be eating anyway, to be healthy. Celebrities may have made eating this way seem more cool and hip. It’s primal. It’s the real deal. It was around long before Gwyneth wrote about it and about steaming her vagina. (I still don’t get that AT ALL.) Shut up about all the antioxidants or the liver boosting properties. Stop putting McDonald’s apple pies in your pie-hole and drinking Stevia by the gallon because it’s “natural.”

Enter the Tart Green, my take on the green drink that some wacko is hawking as the new, redesigned best thing.This is a kale heavy but not strong tasting kale drink. It’s not new. This is a great way to blend up kale and some fruit for a sweetened, vegetable-based smoothie for non-vegetable loving kids. I fully support that, being uncool and not-hip, all the way.


One year ago: cranberry granita

Two years ago: cranberry crisp and baked kale chips

Three years ago: rhubarb simple syrup and compote  and  no-knead pizza dough

Four years ago: sun-dried tomatoes in savory biscuitskorean-style dried anchovies,  and bulgogi-style tofu


5.0 from 1 reviews
the tart green recipe
Prep time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 1-2
  • half a bunch or more of parsley, trimmed and washed
  • ½ to 1½ cups cold water (thicker is harder to suck up with a straw)
  • 2 ounces of frozen spinach partially thawed
  • Half of a medium lemon, peeled with a vegetable peeler and juiced (discard the pithy parts). You can just use the juice and use the zest for something else, if you don't want so much lemon.
  • 1 large apple, cut into chunks
  • Three large leaves of kale washed and trimmed.
  • 2 to 4 tablespoons maple syrup (depending on your sweet preference, you may want more)
  • a handful of raw almonds
  • a few ice cubes
  1. Put everything into a strong blender, such as a Vitamix, and puree until smooth.
  2. Drink immediately or chill overnight for a quick breakfast.



  • Kris Landt June 5, 2015 Reply

    Sounds like a good recipe! Like you, I don’t get the whole vagina steaming thing, either. It’s a self-cleaning orifice, for chrissake.

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