bittersweet six ::::
It is the blog’s six year anniversary today. It’s bittersweet.
This blog has always been a source of creativity for writing and photos and a forum for me to experiment with new tastes. Most centrally, it is a progressive document for posterity. I love that I can record my children growing up, tying in my own childhood memories. It is a mosaic of our years, especially each birthday post carefully constructed to be revisited years from now. It immortalizes my thoughts of these times, how we experience this world in the context of an American family who seeks to understand the world.
Carving out time to write is challenging. It doesn’t just end with “I work and I have three kids.” It’s always more than that. I need an uninterrupted stream of time to let the ideas and writing flow. And I have to fold laundry. I have to go to the grocery store and buy more milk because I forgot the day before. I need to pay the bills this month. I need to pick up Peach for a doctor’s appointment or go to my own. I need to call back a patient with some important lab results on my day off because it shouldn’t wait another day. I try to work out. I need to spend time with friends and family. I want to take time reflecting on my life in general. I spend an inordinate time on social media, reading and commenting more about politics and its extensions, feeling more fury to get involved given the new American President (sic).
I’m drained. I’ve lost inspiration. It’s everything: the screaming kids, the gloomy weather and leafless trees, the disappointing and morally corrupt political climate — just not finding the focus to write. Multi-tasking may be lauded in our culture to get things done, but it sure doesn’t help a food blogger focus. I may have been able to do so early on, when the novelty of the blog was fresh and the ideas were flowing, my writing not yet transformed into my true voice, where sweet snarkiness was expected. As I’ve gone on, I’ve become led to write not just about cutesy family quips but about race, gender, and politics more recently, all enveloped in the context of family. While I see these topics as intimately important and want to impart humanistic values on my children, I don’t know if writing about them here always feels right. Sometimes it’s hard to pair a recipe with anger about Cheeto.
I’m taking a sabbatical from the blog. I’ve said this before in small hiccups, realize that two weeks seems like a long time, then come back with the same vigor. This time feels different, however.
Once I figure out how to do it, I’ll come back and continue this public love letter to my children maybe in a similar frame, wrapped in cozy recipes and remembrances of growing up, peppered with pop culture and social justice rants. For now, I must change tack, zig-zag up another direction as distractions try to blow me off course. I’ll be back once I find that true North.
When blogs lay dormant, people often don’t present a reason why. There is often a last post hanging in the air, no pre-emptive denouement. Well, this is my (hopefully) temporary pause and the explanation why. I won’t be posting for awhile but I’ll still be checking regularly. I plan to revamp myself and the blog design, monitoring for an occasional comment from a previous post.
Happy Sixth Anniversary, blog. This bittersweetness isn’t failure: it’s part of life. Now is time to reflect.
Be back … soon.
Two years ago: pandan chiffon cake
Three years ago: polenta chips with rosemary and parmesan
Four years ago: mulled cider with homemade spice sachet
Five years ago: cannellini bean, ricotta, chocolate torte
Six years ago: the first post! – debutante cake